Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
