Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
