i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
