I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
