see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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