I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
