You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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