a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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