can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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