I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
