i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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