so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
