I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
