I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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