Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
