My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
