just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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