Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
