Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
