she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
