I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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