Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
