bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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