My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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