Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
