Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this is an emotional support booty call
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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