he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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