Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
