I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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