Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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