Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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