so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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