my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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