The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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