I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
