You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
