I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
