Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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