i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
