i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
