you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
