I'm jealous of your bromance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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