I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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