So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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