I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
