He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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