chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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