i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
