I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
