im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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