I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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