Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
