if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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