so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
